a vibrant soul

Strongbad Email

2007-12-02T20:31:00.000-08:00

If you don't know who Strongbad is.... prepare yourself!

Note: Since I haven't found a way for Blogger to allow me upload videos that aren't saved to my computer, here are some links.

Guitar
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0swQQNgk-U

...and the most glorious Trogdor the Burninator
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkrvfC4aYEs

For more of this goodness go to http://www.homestarrunner.com/

Q&A time: Expecations

2007-12-02T14:40:00.000-08:00

It seems I've had a lot of conversations with people lately about expectations in life. About desires and goals and not settling for less than those. It seems that most people I know are prepared to try and fail repeatedly in order to find that job that fulfills them, that person that is their absolute puzzle piece soul mate. People that KNOW down in their souls those exist for them and they're willing to wait for that. To keep trying until they find that.

I also know a person or two who argues that we've just been trained these days to want instant gratification. To want perfection without trying very hard. That people didn't used to need to be fulfilled by their work, or find everything they need in one single other person, that their spouse was merely one of many people in their life to fulfill them and that we've grown to have bigger expectations than we can expect to fulfill.

I think it's a bit of a combination. That we are evolving into a generation that looks deeper into our consciousnesses. That lives more raw and on the surface, ask the hard questions, begin to be okay with being vulnerable. Begin to realize that allowing yourself to be vulnerable actually MAKES YOU STRONGER. That those of us who choose to live that way seek each other out. But I also believe that there are those who have those expectations and do want that instant gratification. They want the soul mate and the perfect job without trials, without pain, without hard work. THAT is unrealistic in my opinion. But it doesn't change my belief that we are becoming a generation of people who are more aware of parts of ourselves that didn't exist in prior generations. As with every generation, we're waking up parts of ourselves that maybe remained dormant in most of the population of generations past. That collectively we're all realizing this and "vibrating at higher levels" being drawn in and out of each others lives' to enable each other, to bring about change and growth. But that's just my opinion.

What do you think? Do you think that people these days as compared to say... the 50's... are beginning to have a shift in/awakening of our consciousnesses and we're evolving into a generation that requires that type of connection/fulfillment from those things? That knows we can achieve it and it's worth the wait, worth the repeated attempts and failures at finding & achieving it? Or are we just developing too high of expectations for love, career, etc. and are just setting ourselves up to become a generation of perpetually single, perpetually divorced, spoiled, needy, unfulfilled people?

Silly me

2007-11-24T00:46:00.000-08:00

So when I first set up this blog, I distinctly recall noticing the instant I got my first comment. I think I had been 'watching the pot' waiting for it to boil until that point though, so somewhere in my mind down the road (after the long empty post-less stretch where I lost what few readers I had, read: family, ha!), I had established in my head that I would be notified when I got comments.

No emails. No happy little "you've got feedback!" awaiting me upon login. "Wow, apparently that barren stretch did more damage than I thought!"

I was going back through reading some old entries, and noticed several comments I'd not seen before. To Steve & Mr. Wizzlepig - I'm back! Sorry for the blackout. To Stephanie, thanks for the kind words. To Mumoverals... I'll be in touch. Thanks for bringing some more life to this thing and making me feel like these ARE actually getting read. My settings are NOW changed to notify me as I'd assumed it had always been, and I'll continue to post here as well as the other location I'd been using.

Thanks! I hope everyone's Thanksgiving and long weekend has been wonderful. Mine has been filled with family, friends, pleasant conversation thanks to technology, love, MUCH humor, and too much amazing food to even safely reminisce about at the moment. January will definitely be filled with cleansing. Ha.

Well I've got a good number of thoughts tumbling around in this head o' mine, but they're not quite ready for you yet. I'm going to hit the sack and re-energize for another couple days of family and friends. You'll hear from me soon.

Home Sweet Crag

2007-11-11T15:35:00.001-08:00

My soul is SO happy. For the first time in... honestly 2 years... I was out rock climbing with my crew again.

I had been climbing at my absolute best ever back in the summer of 2005. I had just conquered this HUGE plataeu in my climbing career and was climbing harder than ever. I was projecting a climb or two at each crag, getting ready for some wicked cool leads and had just found out I was "a natural" at finger & hand & fist cracks so my friends said. I was loving the hard painful cranking powerhouse moves. It was a nice change from the sport face climbs I'd been doing every weekend 9 months a year for a few years prior to trying trad. I was at my BEST ever and looking forward to progressing rapidly. Everything was feeling more natural than it ever had.

One morning in Oct. 2005 - running for the bus - my toe caught an uneven sidewalk edge and I did a 6-foot baseball slide and sprained my left ankle so badly that it took multiple doctor visits to confirm that it was indeed not broken as it looked like, and I merely tore all the soft tissue in the ankle. I was in a boot until Feb. Then in March I went climbing one weekend (shouldn't have quite yet, but it had been my LIFE and I couldn't hold out any more after 6 months away) and was leading (dumb, I know) and fell and hit the ground from almost the 2nd bolt - worst place - and landed on my RIGHT foot. You could hear it 20 feet away I was told. I only thought bruised my heel. I got back up on the climb a couple more times, finshed out the day, hiked out over the mesa, etc. I finally went to the doc in July (after spraining 2 toes when I guy dropped me dancing) and he thought it was plantar fasciitis and told me to stay off it. Between my left and right foot injuries, at that point I'd been slowly hobbling/limping - not even walking fast - for a full year. I started seeing a chiropractor (I have slight scoliosis and many old "rowdy kid" injuries anyway) and found out it wasn't my right heel, but my sciatic nerve in my lower back which I'd crunched accordian style in the fall. One year of consistant chiropractor visits (1-3x a week) later, I'm normal again. VERY out of shape, but normal.

It was SO amazing being out again. I really couldn't climb for shite. The technical knowledge is there but my body seemed to have absolutely no clue what I was asking it to do. I couldn't remember a single move off of old climbs I was projecting and getting ready to lead. I was struggling and falling on these on top rope. I was almost in tears I was so frustrated at one point, at having forgotten so much of something that mean so much to me. But my loving supportive amazing crew - my family - was right there to remind me to look at it in perspective. I had been away from the sport for 2 years. It will take time.

All the same, nothing could ruin it, not even forgetting how to be a climber. Being out there in the Coulee again was so amazing. I took our new crew inductee, Neil, down through the 'dog filter' (check out Rusty in it in this old picture):

...a pathway between columns on the outside of the mesa and the inner rest of the mesa/earth, that drops you down to sunshine and other walls and 300+ climbs. Home.

As we dropped down out of the pillar tunnel and onto the path, a soft breeze was blowing with the scent of sagebrush and coulee dust. The silence of the desert was beautiful and immediately peaceful. Then as if all of that wasn't enough to make my heart soar, it almost stopped in my chest as we passed under Ride 'em Cowboy. There were a couple of climbers just starting out on the route around the left of the arete and as we passed beneath them I heard the soft click of the caribiner gate as it was clipped into a blot and released. My breath caught. I hadn't realized how much I missed that sound until that moment. A simple snap of a caribiner gate high on a wall fed my soul so full, so instantaneously. As I gazed up and around at the beauty of my long lost 'home' and heard the voices of climbers carried on the breeze, felt the warm bubble of heat that is always shining down on Sunshine Wall, and looked out across the sea of climbs and climbers doing what we all love, I felt like I'd returned home after years at sea. I knew that by the end of the night I'd have run into many, many more old friends and we'd all have hopped from campsite to campsite - everyone new becoming old friends by the end of the night under a sea of stars so thick you could almost reach out and touch the Milky Way. The memory of that moment was forever burned into my mind. I've never felt so at peace. Between that and being on the road with my dog and best friend/climbing partner I've not road tripped with since I last climbed, it was more than I could ask for. I'll never forget such a perfect beautiful return to the place, the sport, and the people I love so dearly.

I was able to get some great shots of the weekend with a friend's camera. As soon as they pass them along, I'll post them.

Use your BRAIN... but which side?

2007-10-23T15:33:00.000-07:00

This is something I found on Steve's blog. SERIOUSLY, click on this link and comment and tell me which direction you see this woman spinning. Read the article in the link below. I ONLY saw her spinning clockwise, try as I might. Haha... go fig. Then after I got home and was showing my roommates, she switched for me. This stuff fascinates me!!! Tell me what you see! Humor me!

My co-worker and I literally saw it going completely opposite directions. We couldn't see it go the other direction no matter how hard we each tried. Haha, right on the money too. I love it!

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,22556281-661,00.html

Droplets...

2007-10-19T15:42:00.000-07:00

Amazing. Chills. LOVE.

BEST. CARD. EVER.

2007-10-18T15:31:00.000-07:00

I was card shopping this morning while getting some...fuel... downstairs and came across this card. LOVE IT!!! Someone who knows me too well must have written it. SO funny. I had to share.

Tidal Waves

2007-10-15T15:30:00.000-07:00

I'm on a Tidal kick. I can't get enough of Fiona lately. Her lyrics, her playing, it's all amazing. I feel it all like I feel the rain on my skin....

FIONA APPLE
"Never Is A Promise"

You'll never see
The courage I know
Its colors' richness won't
Appear within your view
I'll never glow
The way that you glow
Your presence dominates
The judgements made on you
But as the scenery grows
I see in different lights
The shades and shadows
Undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch
I see from greater heights
I understand what I am still
Too proud to mention
To you

You'll say you understand
But you don't understand
You'll say you'd never
Give up seeing eye to eye
But never is a promise
And you can't afford to lie

You'll never touch
These things that I hold
The skin of my emotions
Lies beneath my own
You'll never feel
The heat of this soul
My fever burns me deeper
Than I've ever shown
To you

You'll say
Don't fear your dreams
It's easier than it seems
You'll say you'd never
Let me fall from hopes so high
But never is a promise
And you can't afford to lie

You'll never live
The life that I live
I'll never live the life
That wakes me in the night
You'll never hear
The message I give
Youy'll say it looks as though
I might give up this fight

But as the scenery grows
I see in different lights
The shades and shadows
Undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch
I see from greater heights
I realise what I am now
Too smart to mention
To you

You'll say you understand
You'll never understand
I'll say I'll never wake up
Knowing how or why
I don't know what
To believe in
You won't know who I am
You'll say I need appeasing
When I start to cry
But never is a promise
And I'll never need a lie

An evening with climbers outside of climbing....

2007-10-08T15:23:00.000-07:00

An old climbing friend I haven't seen in over 2 years came out. Last I saw him was prior to the ankle injury that put me in a boot for 5 months followed by climbing immediately after said boot was removed and falling and hitting the deck and screwing up my back and seeing a chiro multiple times a week for over a year.... good times. A few of the boys and I hooked up for pizza and some catching up. Never tame with this crew. It always ends in carnage....

We went to a the local climbing shop for a couple of hours and then to Madam K's for some killer pizza like only a brothel can serve. Complete with Guiness stashes:

Craig really liked the pizza. He wanted to know if the cook was single...

Then the boys started comparing and complaining about their poor little eentsy beensy one inch post-injury fat layers and how it was affecting their 5.12 climbing... until they realized they were on camera of course! I captured a few hilarious antics that I'll update the post with later.

A bit later we were leaving Rusty's and Micah jumped on my back for a piggy-back to his car (don't tell my chiropractor!). Craig took the opportunity for a big 'giddy-up' slap on Micah's ass (who is on my back) which sent me stumbling forward and us both toppling forward and skidding palms down (nearly on our chins!) across the asphalt. Carnage to my fave jeans!

Yup, typical night with the old climbing crew. Haha. I'M GOING BACK OUT CLIMBING THIS COMING WEEKEND FOR MY FIRST TIME SINCE I FELL AND HIT THE DECK A YEAR AND A HALF AGO!!! I'M SO SO SO EXCITED!!!! We're going for Jake's b-day and nearly the whole entire old crew will be there. Good times to be had for sure. More war wounds? Hopefully not, but likely. ;-)

Touchy subject....

2007-10-07T19:32:00.000-07:00

Preface: If you ONLY read part of this blog and/or ONLY watch part of this video, it is almost certain that you will NOT get the point, not get my point, and maybe even be offended. If you don't have the time to read and watch this all in one sitting, please save it for later.

Okay just the title of this video will throw a lot of people off so I ask that if you choose to watch the whole video (it's long), that you keep an open mind. Keep in mind it's a PASTOR saying this. If you get offended, you probably don't get it. Or maybe you do and just don't like it and we think differently? Differences are what make the world a beautiful multi-faceted interesting place, so I love you for your differences anyway and appreciate that, I do. Open my mind to YOUR philosophies, I love discussing new views on things.

Anyway, some of you know - some of you don't, that I believe in God. I do. I don't often discuss it with just anyone - it's a very personal thing. My personal philosophy is very similar to this video - that God loves us all no matter what. He may wish that we'd behave a certain way, love others more, etc. but he loves us. Period. He's not that angry, ominous God to be feared and only speak pre-written prayers to. He's there to talk to openly.

Also, spirituality and religion are two TOTALLY different things to me. I've been down the religious path and I may only be taking a break from it now, who knows, but I want to get to know God outside of church walls. Outside of set how to's and when to's. I found when going down the religious path that my all-or-nothingness was holding me BACK from Him more than anything. I was beating myself up and trying to fit into a mold that WAS NOT ME. That wasn't the fault of the religion. It was my own. I'll fully admit that. I just have come to a point where I decided to walk away from just one particular set of church walls for a while and attempt to develop a personal one-on-one relationship with God outside of all of that. To try to hear him and experience him no matter where I am, not just in that one place that becomes my crutch. To trust that he's listening to ME, guiding ME, loving ME no matter WHAT I do or WHERE I'm at... because I've never achieved that trust yet. And I know that if I do develop it in a strict environment, I'll have a harder time convincing myself that He'll love me outside of that.

I know a lot of people that I think have that same problem, that same fear/viewpoint? I love the way Pastor Matt Driscoll describes it. HATE is a strong word... not what I'd use for his description of this, but only because I understand how he means it and I know that people will certainly take his phrasing of that too literally. HE'S A PASTOR - of a RELIGION. I don't HATE religion at all, I just agree with a lot of his points and like the bold head turning manner in which he chooses to make them. Some people need that boldness to make their head turn and listen. Some people need a religious environment, some people do not. Some people just need strength outside of it. I don't pretend to know everything or think I'm right in the least. If you're offended by this, more power to you. I find it empowering in that "develop a personal relationship with God, do it for your own reasons, be there for the RIGHT reasons" way. If you develop a strong personal relationship with Him, I fully believe He'll let you know where He wants you. It'll come around to a religion if that's where He feels you need to be... so how can anyone be offended by that? Just my 2....well okay 10 cents. ;-)

Give me reality

2007-10-07T14:12:00.000-07:00

Okay so I was watching something off the Tivo yesterday after being awoken late that morning having had only 2 hours of sleep and not yet feeling like dealing with the world. It was this show "Private Practice" which for some reason records because I tell it to record Greys Anatomy. Yeah, shut up. Anyway, it's the usual doctor drama - one hot doctor has a thing for another hot doctor and neither will admit it and the whole thing usually perpetuates the "you must only date beautiful perfect (dramatic, baggage laden) people" myth that nearly all mind-numbing television does.

I was pleasantly surprised toward the end to hear this great line about REAL women come from one of the 'hot docs'. I tried to find it on youtube, but I think it's a bit too new to have that clip up. If I find it, I'll update the post. The only actual quoted dialog I could find is the one great main line instead of the context around it. The hot 'been hurt before and has no faith in men' female doc is chatting with the hot 'she thinks he's a player' male doc and he goes off on this schpiel to her that I actually loved and made the thing worth watching. [Update: found the clip. It's from about 0:30s - 1:00m of the way through this:
]

"I like my women real. Real breasts, real skin, real lines around their eyes that mean they've lived and known pain."

AMEN. Same goes for men (sans breasts, please?). Those perfect, pretty, chiseled, trimmed, well dressed men are nice to look at now and then, sure, but they really don't do it for me as much as someone who just looks really, really....real. Give me scruff, callouses, dirt under the nails, scars, smile - lines and all. Give me a filp-flop wearing, slightly messy, slightly rowdy, slightly rough, slightly soft, slightly sensitive man who KNOWS himself and is nothing but REAL. If they can clean up and be that chiseled well dressed man when they want to, all the better. Female friends too. I like like to dress up, but I LOVE to dress down. I love to go camping and REALLY rough it and come back covered in dust. I like to LIVE and not worry about my nails. Friends or more, I want to be surrounded with reality, as unkempt as it may be.

This isn't my romantic want-ad. Far from it. I was just really impressed to hear a statement like that on TV these days. We need to hear more of that in society or our kids are going to (continue to) grow up REALLY messed up, you know? To everyone in my life who is unafraid to be REAL at all times - thank you.

A fuzzy wuzzy

2007-10-07T11:47:00.001-07:00

Check out our little guest we had this morning. The guys found him chillin on a friend's car when they went for coffee.

By the way my brother took these kick ass shots. Click on the image for a larger view if you need to. On the lower photo you can actually see the droplets of water on his hairs. Good job bro!

I'm okay with the reasons

2007-10-07T11:43:00.001-07:00

A friend sent me this a while back and I'm really appreciating it all over again.

"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, or a season."

As nice as the seasons and lifetimes are, I'm okay with reasons. I seem to be meeting many of those lately. Me, the 'friend for life' type. I love everyone easily and love them hard (falling "in love" is a whole other ballgame so don't get me wrong on that one). If I'm your friend I'll never not care how you are, even 10 years down the road, but lately there have been many who appear to be merely 'reasons' put in front of me. Wonderful, life changing, ...fleeting. I've never been okay with those - never okay severing a tie or watching it fray - but I'm learning to appreciate the way life teaches lessons anymore.

"...love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant."
That explains so much so well for me. Friendships to me are HUGE and developing a strong foundation to a friendship is the numero uno most important thing for me when getting to know someone, no matter what the friendship may or may not evolve into later. And that takes time. I want clairvoyant friendships. And I'm okay with clairvoyant REASONS, as sad as I will be to see them take the fork in the road that will take them out of my life. I think sometimes I even think for a while I'm on the SAME path as someone else and we've just finally stumbled into step, only to realize that their path is merely paralleling mine for a bit and will soon curve and wind and twist away from me. I mourn those, but as with everything if it's looked at as an experience to be lived and then learned from, reasons, season and lifetimes all become beautiful for exactly what they were.

I get an 'F' in blogging....

2007-10-03T14:13:00.000-07:00

I've completely neglected this poor blog! I must admit I've been posting elsewhere and not confident about the traffic coming this way so it has not been at the top of my to-do list.

In an attempt to rekindle the blogging flame - on this site anyway - I'm going to re-post some old blogs below that I've put up elsewhere, in an attempt to 'catch up'. Thanks for peeking and bearing with...

Is it breezy in here, or is it just me?

2007-09-24T14:47:00.000-07:00

Something About You
by Linda Kemper

my soul lays itself bare

my mind stands naked in your presence

it's protective layers lie on the floor in a neglected heap

comfortably dancing and twirling around the room

while you stand there in your parka, enjoying the show

i think i feel a draft....

New poem...

2007-08-30T14:45:00.000-07:00

I don't often share poetry... heck I don't often write anymore... but here you go. This may or may not be done, and doesn't even have a title yet. It was triggered by a new friend and inspired by he and others who have passed my way while living the dream, and stirred my sleeping soul. Thank you.

he smelled of freedom
like the lingering scent of campfire in tousled hair
the sea and the wind themselves a part of him
tickling my nose and pleading with my nomadic soul

he wore the sunset on his face
the light of un-numbered days in his eyes
the sparkle and depth of the vast ocean in his smile
beckoning to me, stirring memories only my soul can recall

nomad meets nomad
bound meets unbound
prisoner tastes freedom
unshackle my soul....

I think I'm in the wrong line of work....

2007-08-18T14:44:00.000-07:00

ENFP
outgoing, social, disorganized, easily talked into doing silly things, spontaneous, wild and crazy, acts without thinking, good at getting people to have fun, pleasure seeking, irresponsible, physically affectionate, risk taker, thrill seeker, likely to have or want a tattoo, adventurous, unprepared, attention seeking, hyperactive, irrational, loves crowds, rule breaker, prone to losing things, seductive, easily distracted, open, revealing, comfortable in unfamiliar situations, attracted to strange things, non punctual, likes to stand out, likes to try new things, fun seeker, unconventional, energetic, impulsive, empathetic, dangerous, loving, attachment prone, prone to fantasy

favored careers:
performer, actor, entertainer, songwriter, musician, filmmaker, comedian, radio broadcaster/dj, some job related to theater/drama, poet, music journalist, work in fashion industry, singer, movie producer, playwright, bartender, comic book author, work in television, dancer, artist, record store owner, model, freelance artist, teacher (art, drama, music), writer, painter, massage therapist, costume designer, choreographer, make up artist

disfavored careers:
data analyst, scientist, researcher, financial advisor, business analyst, govt employee, office manager, mathematician, investment banker, office worker, computer tech, it professional, network engineer, strategist

http://similarminds.com/jung/enfp.html

Hahaha... it only lists my exact jobs I currently do (yes, more than one on that list) under the "disfavored careers" section. Yeah....

Kiss Me Ray....

2007-08-12T14:43:00.000-07:00

"Well I looked my demons in the eyes
Laid bare my chest said do your best destroy me
See I've been to hell and back so many times
I must admit you kinda bore me."

from 'Empty' by Ray LaMontagne

...genius!!! Love that man.

You call this FAT?!?

2007-01-31T14:40:00.000-08:00

I was at the tail-end of my lunch hour yesterday and was grabbing some contact solution at the drug store. While standing in line saw the cover of People mag. It had Tyra Banks in this strapless swimsuit and the headline "You Call This Fat?". I don't keep up on news/drama so I didn't know, but apparently she's being called 'porkchop' and being criticized for recently putting on 30lbs. This brings her total weight at 5'10" to 161lbs. (hmmm I'm that height... that's a really healthy weight). So she posed in this little suit and is totally throwing their criticism in their faces and pointing out how absurd it is. Disclaimer: I only saw the cover, didn't open the article. All the same: GOOD FOR HER!

I just had to share. It's about time models started standing up and making a big deal out of the rail-thin standards. I've been on both sides of this. For years I couldn't put on a POUND and had no curves (heck I would have loved them) and was accused of being anorexic...until a run in with birth control that, well, let's just say my body didn't seem to enjoy - overnight (*grumble*). But even then I noticed my friends around me 'watching their diet' and such and felt as if I was expected to do the same. It's pathetic that today little girls are feeling such pressure that they've begun taking appetite suppressants at 12!! And same goes for obesity, it's far FAR too common in kids these days. Good old American eating habits huh? McDonald's anyone? And parents just don't seem to care! Or at least notice. I definitely see the need for a 'healthier' medium to be established in the modeling industry. I was pretty impressed with Tyra's stand.

And may I say I love what she says down there "If I had lower self esteem I would probably be starving myself right now." Because, isn't that what it comes down to? Self-esteem? I know it was for me. Thinking that for some reason because I no longer looked like the girls in the magazines, people would see me differently. I've only recently learned not to dislike the 'new me' so much, or, as the media would have me do. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean I'm letting myself go. I'm busting my ass to get back into climbing shape for the season, better shape than ever this year hopefully. It just means I have a healthy view of myself. I don't cringe when looking in the mirror anymore. I can appreciate my good proportions and good features, and realize that with hard work I can improve on the 'bad'. Maybe never get that perfectly chiseled yet feminine body I'd like to have back (crossing my fingers! dammit I'll try!) but be okay with being in shape and in good health.

I sent a version of this originally to a few girlfriends, and it got such a great string of email discussions going in different directions on the subject that I had to post it. Hopefully they'll take the time to impart their wisdom on here as well.

A dip into the inkwell

2007-01-20T14:35:00.000-08:00

After years of drought my pen is finally flowing again:

Letting Go
By Linda Kemper

I drop my sword, drop my shield
Suddenly wildflowers grow, on the battlefield.
I'll strip my armor and let it lay
Among the petals to rust away.
The sun breaks through as the clouds roll on
Arms upraised, I have a song!
Warmth on my face, it does exist!
Oh what a feeling, to be sunkissed...

Dog+Boots+Snow+Ball = ?

2007-01-20T14:27:00.000-08:00

Denali and I went out and played with his Chuck-it the other day. Because of all the snow, I put his boots on him. Side-tracking here for a moment: NO, I do not dress up my dog. I GEAR UP my dog. He has boots (their pads can freeze, crack, and bleed to death in snow after long periods), a backpack, doggles (lots of eye infections one climbing season and well...climbing is dusty business!), etc.

Anyway... moving on. So he's wearing his boots. Generally unhappy about this when he's not moving, but when he's hiking/running/walking, etc. he's fine. We got to this snow-covered empty parking lot and started playing ball. There was this patch in shadow that every time he'd hit he'd go SLIDING:

This is because unfortunately he has the old-school Ruff Wear boots. I need to get him the new ones with tread:

But alas, since he does not yet have those, after a few slides he just lay down and refused to play anymore until I took them off.

He did the same thing in REI when I first purchased them. We were trying them on him and letting him walk around in them. Yes, even dogs get to walk around the store and try their cool gear on for size! He'd walk a few feet, throwing each foot out in this awkward manner that appeared he was attempting to shake each one off. Then he'd stop in his tracks no matter where he was and lie down on the floor. We'd coax him back up again and keep walking. After a while he started getting all this attention - just like he does with any gear on. "Oh! Look at the ADORABLE doggie with the ADORABLE gear on! Can we pet him?!" And like the pimp that he is, he got up and worked it. He LOVES his gear - as long as there are people around.

Attention-whore. That's my little man.

Peace

2007-01-20T14:23:00.000-08:00

I came across this last night and it hits home to exactly what I've been feeling lately. Appreciation for my trials and the beauty and priceless knowledge on the other side of them.

Take Peace

I am your friend
and my love for you goes deep.
There is nothing I can give you
which you have not got,
but there is much, very much
that while I cannot give it,
you can take.

No heaven can come to us
unless our hearts find rest in today.
Take heaven!
No peace lies in the future
which is not hidden
in this present little instant.
Take peace!

The gloom of the world
is but a shadow.
Behind it,
yet within our reach
is joy.
There is radiance and glory
in the darkness
could we but see -
and to see we have only to look.
I beseech you to look!

Life is so generous a giver,
but we, judging its gifts
by the covering,
cast them away as ugly,
or heavy or hard.
Remove the covering
and you will find beneath it
a living splendor,
woven of love,
by wisdom, with power.

Welcome it, grasp it,
touch the angel's hand
that brings it to you.
Everything we call a trial,
a sorrow, or a duty, believe me,
that angel's hand
is there,
the gift is there, and the wonder
of an overshadowing presence.
Our joys, too, be not
content with them as joys.
They, too, conceal diviner gifts.

Life is so full
of meaning and purpose,
so full of beauty
- beneath its covering -
that you will find earth
but cloaks your heaven.

Courage, then, to claim it,
that is all.
But courage you have,
and the knowledge that
we are all pilgrims together,
wending through
unknown country, home.

And so, at this time,
I greet you.
Not quite as the world
sends greetings,
but with profound esteem
and with the prayer
that for you
now and forever,
the day breaks,
and the shadows flee away.

letter written by Fra Giovanni, 1513

Oh Captain, El Capitan

2007-01-13T14:37:00.000-08:00

This is SO amazing! http://www.xrez.com/gallery/yosemite/xRez_yose.html

You'll need Macromedia Flash Player, which you can get at: http://www.adobe.com/shockwave/download/download.cgi

Thanks Craig! I'm going to be amused for DAYS!

The Last Stand of a Nomad

2007-01-01T14:17:00.000-08:00

by Linda Kemper

My nomadic heart is bound.
Imprisoned.
Locked away by the clinking bars
of mere pocket change.

The soothing tinkling of coin in my pocket
is my assurance
that I'm really getting something back
from the blood & sweat (& tears)
they ring out of me.

My crutch.

My wandering soul is drowning
in a sea of lies & facades.
FOR WHAT!?!?

All because 'mother culture' tells me so?
The secret silent voice you never hear,
SCREAMING into your ear to
'climb the ladder, embrace the drone,
climb into the burlap sack' so she can
TOSS YOU IN THE RIVER?!

I want to run against the wind,
turn my back to the tower of Babel,
swim against the current and feel my nomadic heart
begin to pump once again,

THUMP, THUMP.
THUMP, THUMP.

Storm-ready

2006-12-14T21:12:00.000-08:00

So... I've been quite out of touch lately. I may have my candle on hand, laptop battery charged and be ready for the power to go out at any second, but I don' t know that I was exactly blog-ready when I started this thing. Between holidays, family, friends, work and all of those things you don't see coming (like forgetting my password and which of my handful of email accounts I signed up with), I've neglected to post.

If I can survive a few more days in this crazy week, I promise I'll have a few thoughts to fill the pages next week. Now all I need is a typewriter....

The Passing of a Hero

2006-10-28T14:31:00.000-07:00

Todd Skinner's hands were cut up and he was tired after a hard day of climbing, but he was a happy man standing high above Yosemite Valley on what is known as Leaning Tower.
He and his partner, Jim Hewett of Fairfax, had spent two weeks practicing what would be the first free climb up this route, one of the hardest they had ever attempted.

Todd Skinner, internatioinally renown rock climber, pioneer, leader, motivational speaker, photographer, author, and all around amazing human being, died Monday while rapelling the route "Jesus Built My Hot Rod" on Leaning Tower in Yosemite.

Skinner, a 47-year-old former rodeo cowboy and world-renowned rock climber, fell more than 500 feet to his death Monday after the nylon loop used to attach the climbing rope to his harness broke. The accident has sent shock waves through the climbing community, where Skinner's outgoing nature was almost as legendary as his courage and skill on some of the world's most dangerous rock faces.
"There is just general disbelief that this could happen to him, because he was such a safe climber," said Ann Krcik, a longtime friend who also employed him as a motivational speaker. "He was the pioneer of big wall free-climbing, but he also affected every climber he ever met because he was so personable."

He was a hero of many, and a personal hero of mine as both a rock climber and a photographer. I regret never having had a chance to meet him, to experience his contagious energy and love for the sport, for life. He pushed the limits, and blazed the trail for all who came after him. His tragic death is a loss to the human community, not just the climbing community.

I know he's climbing on the other side. I can tell you, God must be a climber. Why else would He create such fantastic lines and features in remote places that tourists never dream of entering? He created them for people like Todd who in his early climbing years lived out of a tepee for months at a time, just to be near the rock. Who didn't have an apartment for 7 years because he was "looking for a rock with a future." Todd is like one of those rare people that truly see and appreciate an artist's work (in this case, THE Artist) the way the artist themself saw it when creating it. Who appreciates every line, every feature for exactly what it is. I have no doubt that God lets Todd and the great ones up there with him sneak in a route or two now and then when no ones looking, on some flawless line in some remote unknown area that only He knows about. He surpassed us all here, now he's really climbing with the best.

Read the full story in the San Francisco Cronicle here: Friends shocked at loss of free-climbing pioneer

And check out his site www.toddskinner.com

Fail While Daring Greatly

2006-10-26T13:02:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I posted twice and completely slacked off. My apologies. I have a good one coming soon, but in the meantime enjoy this great quote.

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." - Frankin Roosevelt

I'm posting this as much/more for myself than anyone. I'll be the first to admit that I could use the reminder much of the time. It also brings to mind something Pastor Richard Dahlstrom (www.churchbcc.org) said, "God is not afraid of my failure, He's afraid of my disengagement."

May we always be engaged at the risk of glorious failure...

Disclaimer: And no, by that picture I don't mean death.

Existence

2006-10-09T10:50:00.000-07:00

I heard a great line yesterday that I can't seem to shake: "If you don't write it down, you don't exist." This was followed by a discussion about how, if you don't keep a jounal, if you or someone you know doesn't write down who you actually were, then you're just a name. Just a blip on the radar of future history.

Think about it: our entire history comes from things people wrote down. Can you imagine what we would be left with if we relied strictly on the telephone game? How many times have I told myself I need to start a journal? Too many to count. The past year alone has been one of those difficult and wonderful evolutionary stretches filled with epiphany after epiphany. I keep telling myself I need to start writing it all down. Even thinking back right now, I can't recall every single great thought I wanted to jot down along the way. Unless it's in an email to a friend, there's a good chance it's gone. Up until now... I don't exist.

Birth of a Blog....

2006-10-07T01:04:00.000-07:00

Ah, the mysterious need to publish one's innermost thoughts and ramblings to the web. Where does it come from? For me, probably the ever-growing feeling that I'm drifting further and further from mainstream humanity - or at least that which surrounds me on a daily basis. It seems to me lately that everyone I feel that genuine, rare, deep inner connection with is oh-so far out of state. What IS that? So here goes world! Let's connect.